So i hate being emotional.  and man I miss kevin.  bah - i know, it shldn't matter but it does.  I want to just cuddle with him, just have him play w/my hair and give him a back rub.  i love the physical attention, and he means so much to me.  i want to listen to my kalai (spell?) CD, but it's in the car which is way out in BFE.  i'm so tired i just want to cuddle and relax together.  i'm so comfortable around him and i love that.  it feels so nice to be around someone that i can usually believe truly cares for me.  I think i'll just put on some nice music and go to bed. 

yea - that sounds nice

Heyyy -

So I was readin other people's Xangas and I decided to add some stuff. So last week, the e-mail that I send to Evan, well ya, i kinda sent to myself by accident, so he didn't get my e-mail.  thank goodness he did get my hand-written letter though.  I really do care for him.  It's funny, he's so far away, but he really does bring me happiness. 

Jack and I are havin fun.  We get frustrated sometimes, but that's what happens when 2 people spend this much time together.  We do spend so much time together.  Haha.  It's cute.  :o)  She hyperventalated last night again.  Kev was there, it was cool because Glen and Kev gave her a blessing, and Glen blessed her that a doctor would be able to help.  That's good to know becuase so far, it's been a lost cause.  Kev was so cute, he's all excited because he's bonded w/Jackie now.  Haha - i thought he was gonna smother to death last night.  She just needs her space sometimes, and he def pushes that envelope.  but man haha Kev and Craig r so freakin funny.  they honestly had jack and I rollin.  they wripped a lil hard into jack today, but i do believe it's all good.  (not usre if I spelled wrip correct or now)

So the other day Kev and I were hangin out, and we were bonding.  He started talking about how cool my mom is, and i honestly just started bawling.  just for all the fights and stuff my mom get in.  I wrote an e-mail to her, poored out my heart and soul, told her how much i love her and how much appreciate her.  she wrote back a letter that was very nice.  it's cool to feel this over-flowing feeling of love.
ok i think i am going to lay my head down and take a nap at jack's work sense she woke me up at like 9 somethign today thinking it was 11:15. 

smile, God's watching!
~Mame

yea - so why is it when other people talk to me bout their past expeirences being depressed and stuff, how they have overcome it, it always makes me depressed.  i'm so mad, so effin pissed at the world for now reason.  i realize i'm bottling up tho.  i don't talk, i listen.  and i love it.  i want to hear how other people are doing, i want to know their problems, but i'm done talkin bout myself.  i'll love people just the same, i just don't have to open.  i'm closing inside and i realize that. 

i swear if mike doesn't treat Pam like the princess she is, i'll scream.  she's amazing, deserves so much.  so much more than she has.  she deserves the best friends in the world, she deserves the best guys, she deserves more self esteem than she has.  she beatitful, intelligent, so funny, i swear he better get his cheapo butt into action.

all i want to do is drive w/the music up.  i had the music up, and the windows down, the cold feels so good.  i really am closing in around myself.  i don't have those feelings, the passionate ones i used to have.  they're begining to dissapear, and i'm not sure but i think it's part of that youth thing.  i'm loosing my innocence, my pure happiness.  oh i'm close to the Lord, and will be for the rest of my life, he means more to me than anything or anyone.  i love Him desperatly, and hope He knows that.  I know He knows that.  but as for the rest of time, i'm just chillin, i love listening to others.  really love it, it's so awesome letting people open up to me, but really ihate talkin bout my problems, i always feel stupid and dumb.  i'm done.  it's me for me now, fighting my effing way through.  i will end up ok, and i won't.  i'll be a lil mental and be a lil sane.  i'll be a lil crazy and lil cool.  i'm just gonna be a lil

EVERYTHING EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE, EVERYTHING EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT

So yea - tonight I hung out w/Kev.  first time we've hung out and haven't held hands sense we've been up here.  wierd.  i'm so happy for him.  man i am lost and confused tho.  not really, but just i have to keep reminding myself i wasn't ready for a relationship w/him.  he found an awesome girl who is beautiful and seems great for him.  yes, i'm jealous ... is that a bad thing?  I'm gonna try my hardest not to act like a girl.  i really do love havin him around, and he pulled me close to him today during the movies, but it wld just make it harder on me.  i really don't feel like talkin bout it, or even writing bout it.  i just want to put up an away, and go to bed.  read The Book, say my prayers, shed some tears and go to bed.  not tears bc of him, but just all of it, together, as one.  ha.  i knwo it's not even that big of a deal w/her yet.  like he said, they've been on one date.  i just know how rad Kev is, and i gotta remember there was a reson i wasn't ready for a relationship w/him ...

smile, God's watchin

p.s.  haha jack went on a date w/anthony tonight.  can i ask how twisted we are?  honestly, it was funny bc i was gonna tell anthony to take jack, but didn't want jack to get mad so i didn't then when i told her this, she said he had. 

hey ya'll  -

So here's a lil shpeal on my theory of Youth is wasted on the Young.  Well - it's not my theory, but it is a wonderful one.  Young people make all their choices through their emotions.  Even Aristotle says there is no point in giving ethics classes to the young bc they will no appreciate it, and they will still make many of their decisions based on their emotions.  the "youth" part of it - is those emotions.  we never again will have emotions and passions like this.  as young, we waste these so coveted emotions.  we have passion and such that many loose as they grow older and we waste it all on making drama and not appreciating it.  we'll probably never be hurt so bad, emotionally, as we are in our youth, but then again we'll prob never love so feverently, ... make sense?  yea i think so

smile,  God's watching